Mission field doesn't translate

I have been reflecting alot on my current life lately. Its just amazing how life has changed from December 2007. I graduated that month and felt the world was before me. I had earned my stamp of maturity and education in record time with commendable grades. I made friends, joined clubs, held jobs, dated guys, stretched my beliefs, challenged my 'structure of life', paid rent, had the best college roommates, watched two friends get married... It was a great span of my life. All the things expected for me in college happened.
So after college, I committed a period of my life to serving God in the mission field. I have always enjoyed mission trips and seeing God outside of east texas. I enjoyed seeing His creation and sharing His love with all I encountered. This step of missions was something all of my friends had previously done and I had spent time considering, it wasn't the crazy idea or anything. I moved to Colorado and spent four months serving God in a daily, all- consuming lifestyle. It was amazing. I made incredibly family relationships, met an amazing friend Shanna who challenged me continually, worshipped with believers who lived sold-out, worked with crazy fun non-believers who I loved authentically for the first time, I enjoyed coffee, bagels, snow, and sunrise every morning. All of it. I cherish my time there so much. But when that time came to an end, I was sad but excited to see where God would take me next.
I came back to Nacogdoches, expecting to take what I learned and experienced to my life here. Not to recreate Colorado, mind you, but to learn and apply. I came home and spent time writing down my thoughts, creating scrapbooks to visually sort through things, talking to wise women to hold me accountable, praying for direction. God heard my cries and sent me a new mission field: teaching.
It was something I had begun to consider heavily while in Colorado, but wasn't quite sure how that would happen since I wasn't certified. Leave it to God though. He found me the perfect job for me. And I am very thankful to be there - to work with amazing women and impact precious children. But alot of other aspects of my life have not only not worked, but shattered. Immediately after returning home, my dream of marrying this great guy ended painfully. Okay so maybe he's not the right one... Then my best friend gets married and moves away to begin her own life. Not that I'm sad for her; I'm just sad she's leaving me. Then I realize that I will be living at home alot longer than I orginally planned. Although its not horrible, I have some pride issues that surfaced and had to be dealt with. Getting okay with it now. My other friends have all started seeking out our own lives too. And once again, not that I dont want them to do that, I just realize I'm left alone. I'm questioning if I'm going to move on... And lately, I just haven't felt committed or acceptable to Christ at all. That I'm too dishearted and too overcome to read the Word, to pray and see change. It all seems useless. I spent 4 months of my life doing everyday all day and what do I end up with!
We talked today in sunday school about how as children we misbehave - we get punished, so somewhere in our minds if we behave (do good things) -- we get rewards. And I know that I get rewards in heaven and I know I didn't go to CO for rewards. I just didn't expect to feel so lonely and useless 4 months later.

first week

The first week is under my belt and I am excited! It was a great week and I am very content to have this job. I love the school and the fellow teachers, but even more I love my kids. There are 9 kids in my 6th grade homeroom and they are so sweet, fun, and ready to learn. Its kinda funny to realize the difference between 5th grade and 6th -- its huge. I am surprised actually. In 5th we ask alot of questions and my answers/demonstrations/instructions need to be really specific. They are really fun though. In 6th, they are really laid back and need to be challenged. As far as assignments, they really need to have interactive and involved with the work. So yeah this is what I have learned so far. I'll keep you updated as I am. haha

Classroom

Well today is my last day at FBC as secretary, which means I am officially a full-time teacher! =) get excited! Yesterday I got my list of students for my homeroom. Nine wonderful students. I am so excited about the group of kids and other teachers have reaffirmed that notion. I mailed out welcome letters this morning to the students. =) Now that i have my students' names the list of to-dos just grows longer! ahh. But I will be spending alot of time up there this weekend and then monday and tuesday before school starts on wednesday. I thought I would put up pictures of my classroom. Note: I'm not finished. haha. Maybe the updated ones will go up later.

Yay for a new adventure!

Colorado trip

At the end of July, I got to take a trip back to Colorado and visit everyone there. I went that particular week, so that I could work with Camp Big Red, since I had heard so much about it while I was there in the spring. The camp was definitely a great experience- i learned alot about myself and the power of God over emotions. But the best part of being there, however short, was seeing the Berry's again. It was just a great time to play games, talk, catch up on life with them. A couple of mornings before camp we went on amazing hikes around the lake. They were absolutely beautiful and the joy of camping with them definitely added to it. But then we also got to do alot of everyday activities which i enjoyed. Brittany and Nic and I got to all do a morning coffee date. And we mowed grass one day (a new experience for me haha). I cherished my long talks with Trish, so it was great to have a couple more of those. And then I got to beat Andy's score on darts at the Wii, so thats always a positive! One night we even had over a couple of HCC church members that I grew close to, and played my favorite new game, Squence! Go blue team! But these are some of the pictures from the week. Enjoy!

Rough Day

Today was hard. I dont really know why, its just started badly and never seemed to reverse itself. I woke up extremely late, which was an after-effect of planning to get up extra-early so I could be more productive. I ended up at work just a little late, but without a shower (which bugs me). Then, of all days to be late, my first staff meeting was today at fbc. Somehow I haven't had to attend one yet. I got things together once I arrived and headed over to the meeting. And I just was frustrated almost during the hour I was there; I felt so out of place, and almost unnecessary as questions regarding my area were asked to other people. However what started off my bad attitude was a comment made about my ex finding a wife. Right. Like I'm not sitting beside him in the first place. It was beyond frustrating, it hurt to the core of my heart. Ugh. Still stings actually. But yeah. And the weather has been yucky too so that doesn't help.
All that bad day news to begin with, but hopefully the day will end well. After work I hope to get more done on my classroom and then i'm heading to lufkin to watch a movie with the girls. That should help. I know I dont like writing pessimic things on this, but i just needed an outlet.