Mission field doesn't translate

I have been reflecting alot on my current life lately. Its just amazing how life has changed from December 2007. I graduated that month and felt the world was before me. I had earned my stamp of maturity and education in record time with commendable grades. I made friends, joined clubs, held jobs, dated guys, stretched my beliefs, challenged my 'structure of life', paid rent, had the best college roommates, watched two friends get married... It was a great span of my life. All the things expected for me in college happened.
So after college, I committed a period of my life to serving God in the mission field. I have always enjoyed mission trips and seeing God outside of east texas. I enjoyed seeing His creation and sharing His love with all I encountered. This step of missions was something all of my friends had previously done and I had spent time considering, it wasn't the crazy idea or anything. I moved to Colorado and spent four months serving God in a daily, all- consuming lifestyle. It was amazing. I made incredibly family relationships, met an amazing friend Shanna who challenged me continually, worshipped with believers who lived sold-out, worked with crazy fun non-believers who I loved authentically for the first time, I enjoyed coffee, bagels, snow, and sunrise every morning. All of it. I cherish my time there so much. But when that time came to an end, I was sad but excited to see where God would take me next.
I came back to Nacogdoches, expecting to take what I learned and experienced to my life here. Not to recreate Colorado, mind you, but to learn and apply. I came home and spent time writing down my thoughts, creating scrapbooks to visually sort through things, talking to wise women to hold me accountable, praying for direction. God heard my cries and sent me a new mission field: teaching.
It was something I had begun to consider heavily while in Colorado, but wasn't quite sure how that would happen since I wasn't certified. Leave it to God though. He found me the perfect job for me. And I am very thankful to be there - to work with amazing women and impact precious children. But alot of other aspects of my life have not only not worked, but shattered. Immediately after returning home, my dream of marrying this great guy ended painfully. Okay so maybe he's not the right one... Then my best friend gets married and moves away to begin her own life. Not that I'm sad for her; I'm just sad she's leaving me. Then I realize that I will be living at home alot longer than I orginally planned. Although its not horrible, I have some pride issues that surfaced and had to be dealt with. Getting okay with it now. My other friends have all started seeking out our own lives too. And once again, not that I dont want them to do that, I just realize I'm left alone. I'm questioning if I'm going to move on... And lately, I just haven't felt committed or acceptable to Christ at all. That I'm too dishearted and too overcome to read the Word, to pray and see change. It all seems useless. I spent 4 months of my life doing everyday all day and what do I end up with!
We talked today in sunday school about how as children we misbehave - we get punished, so somewhere in our minds if we behave (do good things) -- we get rewards. And I know that I get rewards in heaven and I know I didn't go to CO for rewards. I just didn't expect to feel so lonely and useless 4 months later.

first week

The first week is under my belt and I am excited! It was a great week and I am very content to have this job. I love the school and the fellow teachers, but even more I love my kids. There are 9 kids in my 6th grade homeroom and they are so sweet, fun, and ready to learn. Its kinda funny to realize the difference between 5th grade and 6th -- its huge. I am surprised actually. In 5th we ask alot of questions and my answers/demonstrations/instructions need to be really specific. They are really fun though. In 6th, they are really laid back and need to be challenged. As far as assignments, they really need to have interactive and involved with the work. So yeah this is what I have learned so far. I'll keep you updated as I am. haha

Classroom

Well today is my last day at FBC as secretary, which means I am officially a full-time teacher! =) get excited! Yesterday I got my list of students for my homeroom. Nine wonderful students. I am so excited about the group of kids and other teachers have reaffirmed that notion. I mailed out welcome letters this morning to the students. =) Now that i have my students' names the list of to-dos just grows longer! ahh. But I will be spending alot of time up there this weekend and then monday and tuesday before school starts on wednesday. I thought I would put up pictures of my classroom. Note: I'm not finished. haha. Maybe the updated ones will go up later.

Yay for a new adventure!

Colorado trip

At the end of July, I got to take a trip back to Colorado and visit everyone there. I went that particular week, so that I could work with Camp Big Red, since I had heard so much about it while I was there in the spring. The camp was definitely a great experience- i learned alot about myself and the power of God over emotions. But the best part of being there, however short, was seeing the Berry's again. It was just a great time to play games, talk, catch up on life with them. A couple of mornings before camp we went on amazing hikes around the lake. They were absolutely beautiful and the joy of camping with them definitely added to it. But then we also got to do alot of everyday activities which i enjoyed. Brittany and Nic and I got to all do a morning coffee date. And we mowed grass one day (a new experience for me haha). I cherished my long talks with Trish, so it was great to have a couple more of those. And then I got to beat Andy's score on darts at the Wii, so thats always a positive! One night we even had over a couple of HCC church members that I grew close to, and played my favorite new game, Squence! Go blue team! But these are some of the pictures from the week. Enjoy!

Rough Day

Today was hard. I dont really know why, its just started badly and never seemed to reverse itself. I woke up extremely late, which was an after-effect of planning to get up extra-early so I could be more productive. I ended up at work just a little late, but without a shower (which bugs me). Then, of all days to be late, my first staff meeting was today at fbc. Somehow I haven't had to attend one yet. I got things together once I arrived and headed over to the meeting. And I just was frustrated almost during the hour I was there; I felt so out of place, and almost unnecessary as questions regarding my area were asked to other people. However what started off my bad attitude was a comment made about my ex finding a wife. Right. Like I'm not sitting beside him in the first place. It was beyond frustrating, it hurt to the core of my heart. Ugh. Still stings actually. But yeah. And the weather has been yucky too so that doesn't help.
All that bad day news to begin with, but hopefully the day will end well. After work I hope to get more done on my classroom and then i'm heading to lufkin to watch a movie with the girls. That should help. I know I dont like writing pessimic things on this, but i just needed an outlet.

New Job!

As frustrated as I was about staying in Nac and about the status of my life in general, God has continued to be faithful to me. He has provided me with a job -- a focus and direction for my life. So what if I'm in Nac? That doesn't mean that my goals have changed, that I'm not seeking those goals, and God isn't using me. I think realizing that has been the best part about getting the job. I am going to be teaching at Fredonia Hill Baptist Academy, which is a private christian school in Nac. I will be the 5th and 6th grade English teacher, with 6th grade as a homeroom. The best part about this job is that its an ideal situation for my first year of teaching -- small classroom, a team of teachers, somewhat familiar settings, and obviously open to religion! I have a challenge ahead of me, but I am so excited about taking it; with God's help, I will see amazing things happen this year. And as I teach this year, I will know at the end whether or not I should pursue this field. Oh and I get Masters credit, so this will also help that goal. This job is truly a God- given opportunity. One that I am thankful for, but also one that I pray I use wisely.

Good Friends

I know alot of things are taken for granted, but the one thing that I knew want to take for granted is my friends. This weekend I have truely been reminded of God's blessings in my life. God has blessed me with friends that I have shared my life with, friends that make me laugh, friends that encourage and support me, conversations with them make me feel as though i'm communing with God. Its so refreshing to my spirit to have a meal with friends and to leave spiritually encouraged, but also 'convicted'. I know that no matter what God is doing in my life, my friends will be apart of it -- being used by God.

A new chapter

Although this blog began as a venue for communication while I was serving in Colorado, I have decided to use it as an outlet for thoughts and opinions -- and as a way for others to stay informed of my life and activities. Not that its exciting. haha. The posts won't be frequent and may not be interesting, but it could be useful for me to just express myself.
I guess I haven't been on this since I came back home. For just a brief update on my life: I am 22 and living in Nacogdoches. Although I have a bachelor's degree, I dont have a job or a real direction for obtaining one -- even though I am dirt poor. I am newly single after 5 years of not. I attend First Baptist Church, although seeking God about that. I am currently planning to pursue my Masters of Secondary Education at SFA this fall.
Being in Colorado was an amazing time for God to work on my heart and our relationship. The biggest thing I learned was that 'God will provide'; He doesn't give us desires or plans only to not fullfill them. He, in His infinite wisdom that I will never understand, has prepared a way for us and asks us to simply trust Him. Saying that is alot easier than to act -- or in my case, not to act. This summer I have searched to find His will for my life. He removed something that I treasured, but that leaves me free to chase a new path. Yet I don't know what that path is. And for me, I have chosen to seek that path before acting. I know some would rather see me just jump out there and do something 'crazy' -- go work in politics, go serve for a semester somewhere, go to culinary school. All things I would like, but I just question the urge to do something. I dont want to spend my wheels, and look back later with the same lack of direction. I would rather let God reveal His next step and then go. I say all that and yet am so frustrated to not be going anywhere.

At the Crossroads of Life

....is where you begin freaking out. So i dont know who all reads this now that I'm back, but it was so nice to get on this and write out things, so i am, even if its just for me. I love how I have been back only a week and I'm already freaking out about what I should be doing with my life. Everyone that knows me, knows that I like to have a plan and to be in control. As a Christian the being in control part is already out of the window. And its certainly somethign I have to constantly remind myself. But having a plan isnt so bad. I want it to be whatever is in God's plan for my life, I just wish I knew the current part of it. Do I go to grad school? I'm pretty sure the answer is yes. Which master do I get? I'm leaning towards Secondary Education or Educational Leadership. What school do I attend? I originally was okay with SFA, and still dont have any real desires to go elsewhere, but alot of stuff as happened and things I have realized which have complicated the decision. The major issue seems to be that Nacogdoches and FBC Nac dont really have a place for 20 somethings that aren't married and out of college. Although I will be in school at SFA its just not the same as undergrad, so I'm in that group. Talking to a dear friend Savannah, I have realized that I can be active in making a place for myself. God will provide me venues to do that through, but I have always been willing to try new things. Why do I have to leave Nacogdoches to pave a new life for me? But then again that brings me back to a question that lots of people have asked me: why stay in Nacogdoches, especially when I've experienced living elsewhere? I do love Nac. And it is comfortable. But I think my main reasoning is that God has given me a passion to share what I learned from HCC with FBC. We have all the ability and desire to be authentic, welcoming, and communal (living as a community of believers) but so often we don't. So all that being said... i think i'm coming to terms and trying to get excited about living another 2 years in Nacogdoches and going to SFA. even though right now there seems to be several negatives and lots of confusion.

Back in the Motherland!

Well i am back in Texas at least! After a long drive, I made it to Lauren's and spent the night with her and then had breakfast with her and headed out to Dallas. I made it to Denton earlier than I planned, but that just gave me time to relax and shower before I hung out with Cody. I have enjoyed seeing her so much after being gone for so long from friends. =) But yeah it was so hard, it is so hard, to be gone from the Berrys and Shanna. I've talked to them alot during my trip home, but its just sad. I know that God brought me there for the season and has used them to teach me immeasurable things, and that I will see them in the summer again. I just am sad to see that my season of living with them is over. i have enjoyed sharing my photoscrapbook with Cody and Lauren so I'm glad I made that. Anyways I will be heading out tomorrow morning and hope to be HOME no later than 4!! And will be at wednesday night church which I am incredibly excited about! yay for my church family. see everyone soon! i am so ready to see and talk to each person! =) I have a feeling I will be eating alot of food -- lots of lunch and dinner dates...

I'm leaving on a jet plane....

I wish I was leaving on a jet plane. I would be home sooner than the 18 hour drive over 2 days. But that being said, I am leaving. I am all packed and will be driving out of this world and life at 9ish tomorrow morning. Its weird to think its over and sad to see those that I'm leaving. I have spent the day spending time with the girls and the church, giving hugs and tearing up. I have learned so much and am so grateful to all here. The kids all signed a tshirt that says colorado on the front, the church all signed a card and then gave me a journal, and Cherie (the pastors wife) gave me a book with a note written on the first page. I have compeleted my photo journal so I brought that to let them see, which they enjoyed. But we also prayed over me as a church for my safety and return home, but also thanking God for this time in my life and what He plans for me in Nac. But it was so sweet. Nathan and Turner, my first grade boys, each held my hand and Nathan kept playing with my ring on my finger...=) And then Rachel held my shirt with both hands like if she held on tight enough I wouldnt be leaving. And each kid was just hanging on me someway. It was sweet to see them care so much. I will miss those kids. Nathan was just precious though. At the end of church he just walks up to me and goes "Becca I'm going to miss you when you leave" and then puts his head down and walks off. I just looked up at Andy and cried. But anyways pray for my remaining time with the Berrys and for safe travel home tomorrow!

Can't Sleep

Technically its after 1 am here in Colorado and I cannot sleep. Actually went to bed at like 10:30 (which is completely normal haha) and then haven't gone to sleep yet. Decided to at least come downstairs and get on the computer. Been thinking alot about leaving though. Alot of me is so excited to be going home -- to see my family, to sleep in my bed, to see Jonathan, to hang out with the girls, to wear flipflops, to eat at J-Tree, to feel completely comfortable in church. But yet alot of me wrestles with that very idea. Of leaving the Berrys, my new family, of leaving Shanna, who has been by my side the entire time and a great friend, of leaving the children of HCC whom I have truly enjoyed getting to know. Knowing that everyone here has helped to show or teach me something and that I am so grateful for that. Its hard to walk away from an experience where you do have to depend on God so much and have enjoyed greatly. I dunno. Its something Trish and I have talked about -- how you pray for God to open your heart and love people but then it hurts so much to lose them that you don't want to love anymore. I have become apart of this family so much, that it kills me to think I could be just another intern that stayed with them. I pray they see me as more, because they certainly me so much more to me. And although Mississippi isn't that far from me, I will miss Shanna. I pray for her last month here. It will be hard to be alone and missing her family, but yet God is not done using her so I am excited about seeing that. She has been the friend that I needed here. I prayed once I found out she was coming, that we would be friends. And God blessed that request. I was so thankful to have a partner and a friend, and I could not imagine working at Copper or High Country without her. Anyways pray for me as I try to digest what I have learned, what God has shown me, and what I'm going to do with it back in Nac. Pray for me as I try to pack my belongs in my car again!! (without my daddy to help!) Pray for my last days here -- that I have time with the Berrys and Shanna and a peace about leaving them. Pray for my travels as I head out on Monday morning. Thanks for all you have done in supporting me this semester.

Colorado Springs

One of the things that I really wanted to do while I was here was to volunteer at the Rescue Mission and Shanna got behind that full force and helped to make that a reality. So yesterday we did one of the things she wanted to do while in Colorado. We went to Colorado Springs. The main attraction for the day was visiting the Focus on the Family headquarters, which is located just north of Colorado Springs. On the way to the Focus on the Family we stopped at the Air Force Academy, just because it was there and we had time. It was awesome! I was excited because I tried to make it similiar to West Point and Diana's experiences there. But anyways we got to see the complex and we toured the visitor center. The coolest thing there was the chapels. The protestant chapel had an amazing organ! But there was also a roman catholic chapel that had a replica of the shroud of Jesus. And then the Jewish and Buddhist chapels were just cool to look at. After leaving there we went to eat at Chic-fil-a. Man the small things are just so incredible up here. We loved it and it was just that we hadn't had any in 5 months. But we went to Focus on the Family and got to go to the visitors center, which included a bookstore and a child's play area. Shanna and I enjoyed the kids play area alot! =) Then we took a tour of the administrative area, which included the actual radio room where Dr. Dobson hosts and records his radio talks!! After the Focus on the Family we drove around town and then headed out. But while we were at a red light the coolest thing happened -- there was a police escorted funeral procession, however the cool part was that every car in the processional was a Corvette! New, old, every color, convertible, hard top. It was awesome! Sad that it was funeral, but that was one of the best car parades I've ever seen. But Shanna and I had an awesome day acting as tourists and enjoying 70 degree weather and sunshine. Going to miss our road trips!
Anyways thanks for reading this. PS we had two inches of snow last night. On the first of May...snow....ahh!

Mother/Daughter Retreat

This weekend was the our big event: the 4th and 5th grade mother/daughter retreat. We had 5 moms and 6 daughters there, which is all of the 4th and 5th graders at HCC, so Shanna and I were excited. We had a speaker fly in from Memphis, Suzanne Grisby, who is a friend of Jeff and Cherie's. Shanna and I picked her up at the airport, but we didn't know exactly what she looked like, so we wore these sparkly tiaras while we waited. She figured it out immediately but we sure did get some laughs! Our theme for the weekend was Beautiful for Thee: a Daughter of the King. On Friday night we decorated everything with the princess theme and had tiaras, and princess items for the girls and moms. We ate pizza and played games (we were supposed to watch Princess Diaries, but our tv didn't work) and the girls played dress up all night long. It was alot of fun and very laid back, but I think the moms really enjoyed that it was so relaxed. Saturday morning we cooked breakfast (pancakes and fruit), cleaned up from sleeping, sung some songs, played crazy bonding games (and boy did we bond haha), and then listened to Suzanne share some from Psalm 139. Our activity for the first session was pedicure spa for the moms, which included their gift of a decorated metal pail filled with lotions, scrubs, and pedicure tools. We happened to have a foot pool and a pariffin wax machine so we used that as well. During the pedicure time, Suzanne answered (used loosely) various parenting questions the ladies had. While moms were downstairs, we took the girls upstairs and did a little character quiz and wrote letters to the moms. They seemed to enjoy it, and had fun bringing the letters to their mom. For lunch we just had sandwiches and had some freetime to just play games, run around, take a nap or shower, whatever. We wanted there to be time to build relationships not just follow a schedule and it seemed to really work. =) I think Dayna, T, Shanna and I played a game called Sequence for the 3 hours. Team blue won!! =) We did songs and listen to Suzanne teach for our second session -- she finished psalm 139. Our second activity we divided up again and made bracelet/keychains with beads and stretchy string. We had pearls that represented the Fruits of the Spirit and then the vairous colored beads represented different sins we wanted to work on. Each person wrote the fruits of the spirit and then what their sins were and what color represented them on an index card. Then the girls and moms sat down for reflection time and talked about what they learned during the weekend; this was also the time when they shared what their beads meant with each other and asked to be held accountable if they wanted to. As they left, we gave the girls their gifts: a mirror with a ribbon to hang it, decorated with their name and the theme, and they had cute flowers glued to them. Also each person recieved a tshirt. We all wore them to church this morning!! Just like we do at our church after camp =)! Anyways. All in all, I am very tired, but despite some things not going as planned, we had an amazing weekend. Everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, the girls spent time together as a group (which is needed as they go into middle school), the moms as a church became friends outside of Sunday morning, and we got to just not be around boys for 24 hours. =)

Anyday's a good day serving Jesus

On Wednesday of this week, Shanna and I went to Denver for one last girls trip. However, we arranged to volunteer at the Denver Rescue Mission in Downtown Denver for lunch. I know that sounds really random to some, but last year I read an amazing book called Under the Overpass, which talks about someones life spent homeless for four months in various cities. He begins his journey at the Denver Rescue and learns the ways, habits, and rules of the homeless and addicted. Ever since reading that I have wanted to help at the Mission in Denver, so Shanna caught my dream and we pushed for making that a reality before I left. We arrived at 10:30 and were introduced to the program members who were coordinating volunteers and lunch. We bagged up peanuts to give out and then it was time for the first lunch shift -- this is for the volunteers, the staff, and the program members (the Mission is primarily a rehab program). Then we cut up some vegetables for a salad they were having dinner and it was time for the second lunch shift -- this is for anyone off the streets. Shanna and I bussed the tables and brought them water as they ate -- over 200 were served lunch that day. We could not stop smiling,we were having so much fun! Those guys were great. We actually ended up racing to tables to beat some of the program guys who had to help -- Cecil, Ivan, and David. They were protective of us from the other guys, but they were just so helpful and glad to be there. Shanna and I kept asking the rehabers if they were having a good day, and expecting a typical answer of 'yeah' we were blown away when they answered "Anydays a good day serving Jesus". I just left the mission wanting that to always be my answer. And mean it. Any day should be a good day because I am alive and able to serve God. Another cool part was just getting a tour of the place and seeing all the work the Mission does. Anyways it was awesome! And we loved it.
These lyrics described my thoughts after I left the Mission: "Well I'm not talking about a smile so fake, while the world takes pictures 24/7. I just want my faith to a little more real, what you see is what you get, what you see is how I feel."

Catching up

Well its been a couple of days and alot has been going on! First of all the Berrys came back so that was exciting, not being alone anymore. On Sunday Andy, Trish, Nic, Shanna and I went to Denver to pick up the dog from Trish's mom, but while we were there we went to Red Lobster and stuffed ourselves! It was so good! yum...seafood. But we also just enjoyed soaking up the 77 degree weather and sunshine! =) Teaching sunday school went really well though this sunday. We have had some issues with them listening and gave Shanna a particularly hard time while I wasn't there last sunday (last day at work). So after a little lecture and having Trish there to kinda back us up, we had a fun time of learning and crafts. Monday (yeah that was only yesterday) Shanna and I spent the day at the church offices preparing for the week. This weekend is our mother daughter retreat!! =) and so we were busy getting together the last minute stuff and making lists for us to do on Friday. We should be picking up t-shirts tomorrow, our mirrors are finished, we have presents for everyone that helped us, the speaker is flying in on Friday, she has all her stuff prepared, and Shanna and I think we might just be able to pull this thing off. =)
OOh and the best part of all, is that tomorrow shanna and I are going to Denver for a fun little day off. We have to get some stuff for our retreat, but we also want to shop alittle. But thats not the best part. We are going to serve lunch at the Denver Rescue Mission in Downtown!! =) I am so excited. We will help prepare the meal and then serve it and eat with the residents as well. yay for stories and being brave! But anyways it all started with reading Under the Overpass and this is the same facility where that story starts. I just think God is so cool to let me actually experience this. And Shanna has been so great to catch the desire and make it happen! =) I will tell you all about it tomorrow!

Peeling

Umm peeling sucks. haha Actually I guess its a good thing since that means that I will be over this soon. And usually you wouldn't be peeling this fast, but since its so dry up here, I guess its speeding things along. But I just look really weird and awful. So i'm definitely glad no one can see me. haha. =) But anyways going to do some errands and then hide in the house...
later! haha

It's my Birthday, I can _______ if I want to

Copper is officially CLOSED! and I have been let go. haha. So since we cant ski there, there is another smaller resort still open, but its definitely more of a local's place. Shanna and I took Brittany and Hannah (her 5th grader) to ski at A-Basin. And then Alison and Nic joined us. So that made for a fun group. We skiied morst of the day from like 11-3. Yep those are the hours when you should avoid the sun. Yep those are the hours you should wear sunscreen. Yep those are the hours when you cover your skin at all cost. I did. Except on my face. And I some how didn't put on my normal moisturizer that has suncreen, but I assumed I had. So I have an extremely burnt face. ugh. It really sucks. And its only my face.
But after we all got burnt. haha. They all have goggle tans. But after we got home from skiing, the Berry's threw me a surprise Little Mermaid theme party! haha it was awesome! We had a bubble machine (so you were under the sea) and a fish pinata and leis and sunglasses and umbrella straws. We usually have ladies bible study on monday nights so all the ladies came for a party instead. We broke the pinata -- haha Andy had control of the pinata. I think he enjoyed me making a fool of myself. But then we ate cake. Alison made it! It was confetti cake with white icing, but she decorated it with jawbreakers, licorice and lifesavers. Very cute cake. And then we opened presents! haha Alison got me hugs and kisses (the candy) =) Shanna got me a cute tshirt and a black and white photo frame. So me. And the Estes girls (Shanna's family) got me chocolate and then each made me a card. So we had alot of fun. The Berry's are just amazing thoughtful caring people who have truly blessed me.
In other news, I am by myself this week. They went to visit Andy's family in Idaho and I'm also house sitting for some friends for the week. haha Thanks for all the birthday wishes!

Elitch Gardens

Yesterday was a blast! The Berry's took me, Shanna, and Alison to Elitch Gardens in Denver (Formerly of Six Flags fame). For background information, they love roller coasters (becca doesn't) and Nathan has always been too short to go on most rides. We got there at 10:30 and we had fun until like 5:00. =) This year Nathan was tall enough so he was brave and tried everything that was appropriate. We went on a kid ride to begin, and it was so cold! Not scary, just cold. haha. But then we went on the ship ride that swings up and down. Woo- Nathan did not like that one, but we had fun being silly and screaming. We went on a ride called the rainbow which was a platform of seats that rides up and then over and then down and around (painting a rainbow in the sky and circling around). Very fun. Brittany was my partner both times we wode that one. Then I went on a wooden roller coaster that was scary, but fun. I had decided that I would go on all of the things they wanted to even though I dont like them. But I had a blast on that. Brittany was my partner on that one too. We then went on this scary 0-60 mph loop thing that went forward, then stopped and went backwards through the loop. AHHH! but i did it. =) Alison and I were together on that one and we had our eyes shut the entire time. But then the last ride of the day was the carousel. haha we did a chinese fire drill on the horses. Yeah I'm corputing the children (Brittany and Nic and Alison haha), but the worker lady wasn't has happy as we were. Then for my birthday we went out to eat at Chilli's. haha. I loved it, but it makes me laugh that we always go there. =) They are just an awesome family. My second family.
And to add to how great they are. They got me a photo journal book and then she put pictures of me and the kids inside it. And then she got me a framed picture of the rockies so I will always have them with me. =) How fun and sweet. The frame is a broad flat white frame, so i am going to get them to write their names on it and then I'll put in another frame and really keep it forever. So anyways. They are just the best. And I am truly getting sad that my time is coming to an end. Today is our last day at work. So pray for the final day and for the relationships I formed.

Beauty

So this isn't for people to neccesarily respond to or for people to judge me on. Its more of me to share my heart and struggle right now and for me to try to let go of it.
What determines beauty? Who is beautiful and who isn't? If we are fearfully and wonderfully made, created in the image of God why do I feel inadequate? Furthermore, Jesus had "no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him". And Peter says that "your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." Umm well everyone that knows me knows that I do not have a gentle and quiet spirit. As tonight's conversation showed. But yet all I hear is beauty is skin, and makeup, and revealing clothing. And while I have been here, all that has gone by the wayside. I spend my days in burnt orange uni-sex uniforms, flooding pants, hair pulled back, and little to no makeup. And then add layers of clothing, gloves, hat, and sunglasses, and I'm completely covered. haha maybe some of my sexy neck is showing. Most of the guys here only want to see beauty as skin, makeup, and revealing clothing so after a while it definitely starts to wear on you...
The funny thing is... well its not surprising the way God works... that is the very thing that we want to teach the 5th grade girls at the retreat. Great. I guess I get to really learn the lesson before I can teach it.
What is beauty and who determines it?